So, okay, I’m sitting at my kitchen table, coffee’s cold now, and I just noticed I’m wearing one sock. One. My other foot’s just out here, bare as a baby’s butt, and I’m like, how did I even get here? My laptop’s open, emails are screaming at me, my phone’s blowing up with 72 unread group chat messages, and I’m just staring at my foot like it’s gonna explain my life choices. That’s when it hits me—my self-care checklist for modern women is a hot mess. Not the Instagram kind with $60 candles and bubble baths (tho, those are nice, I guess). I’m talking the real, “I’m barely keeping it together” self-care that keeps us from yeeting ourselves into the void.
Being a modern woman is like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle and trying not to cry when your boss emails you at 2 a.m. about a spreadsheet. I’m there, like, every single day. So, I’m gonna spill my messy, not-so-perfect self-care checklist for modern women. It’s not fancy, it’s probably got typos (sorry not sorry), but it’s me. Grab your coffee—or wine, no judgement, it’s noon somewhere—and let’s talk about surviving with a half-smile.
Why Self-Care Feels Like a Big Fat Lie Sometimes
You ever feel like self-care’s just another thing to screw up? Like, “Cool, now I gotta schedule ‘relaxing’ between buying dog food and answering my mom’s texts about her new air fryer.” I used to think self-care meant I had to be one of those women who float through life with perfect hair and a yoga mat they actually use. Spoiler: I’m not that girl. I’m the one who fell asleep with a taco in my hand, salsa all over my shirt, and woke up thinking, “Why is my life like this?” True story, and I’m still not over it.
Back in my 20s, I thought I had it all figured out. I read all the self-help books, followed every wellness influencer on Insta, and bought a journal I swore I’d write in every day. (It’s got like three pages filled, and one’s just a doodle of a sad taco—don’t ask.) Life’s got a way of throwing curveballs, though—like the time I spilled coffee on my laptop right before a work presentation, or when my dog decided my only nice heels were a chew toy. Self-care ain’t about being perfect. It’s about finding little ways to not drown when life’s trying to dunk you.
The Ultimate Self-Care Checklist for Modern Women (No Candles, I Swear)
Here’s the deal. This ain’t your typical checklist with “drink 8 glasses of water” or “meditate for 20 minutes.” That’s cool, but sometimes you’re just trying not to cry when you realize you forgot to pay your phone bill. Here’s what’s worked for me, in no order, ‘cause my brain’s a dumpster fire and so’s my life.
1. Say “Nah” and Don’t Feel Guilty
I used to say yes to everything—brunch with friends, extra work projects, helping my neighbor move her ugly couch that smells like regret. Then one day, I was so tired I cried ‘cause I couldn’t find my car keys. (They were in my purse, duh, I’m a mess.) That’s when I learned: saying no is self-care. You don’t gotta go to every event or answer every text right away. Next time someone asks you to do something you’re not feeling, just say, “Nah, I’m good.” It’s like a mini-vacation for your brain, I’m telling ya.
2. Make a “Don’t Cry in the Target Parking Lot” Playlist
Music’s my lifeline. I got a playlist called “Don’t Cry in Target” that’s saved my butt more times than I can count. It’s got Lizzo’s “Good as Hell,” some *NSYNC (don’t judge me, “Bye Bye Bye” slaps), and a random ABBA song I’m low-key obsessed with. When life’s kicking me in the shins, I pop in my earbuds and let the music remind me I’m still a badass, even if I just tripped over a cart in the grocery store.
Pro tip: Check out this blog post for playlist ideas. It’s got some dope vibes for your own mood-lifter, trust me.
Outbound Link: Refinery29 Playlist Ideas
3. Eat Something That Makes You Grin (Even If It’s Weird)
I’m not here to preach kale smoothies, okay? Sometimes self-care’s eating Lucky Charms at midnight while watching The Office for the millionth time. For me, it’s peanut butter straight outta the jar with a spoon—judge me, I dare you. My friend Sarah’s all about pickles and ice cream, and she’s not even pregnant, just weird. Find your quirky food thing and lean into it. Food doesn’t gotta be “healthy” all the time. Sometimes it’s just gotta make you happy.
4. Text Your Person, You Know Who
You got that one friend who gets you? The one you can send a meme to at 3 a.m., and they’ll hit you back with “SAME” instead of “Go to sleep, weirdo”? Text ‘em. Tell ‘em you’re having a crap day or that you saw a dog in a tiny hat and it fixed your whole soul. Connection’s self-care, and it doesn’t gotta be deep. Sometimes it’s just, “Yo, I’m losing it, send a meme or something.”
5. Do One Tiny Thing for Future You
This one’s a game-changer, I swear. I’m not talking about cleaning your whole apartment (tho, props if you do, you’re a hero). I mean something small, like setting out your coffee mug the night before or sticking a Post-it note on your mirror that says, “You’re not a disaster, I promise.” One time, I left a note in my fridge that said, “Don’t eat the yogurt, it’s basically poison.” Future me was so grateful. It’s like giving yourself a hug from yesterday.
6. Get Outside (Even If It’s Just for a Hot Sec)
I’m not a nature person, okay? I got a sunburn once from sitting on my balcony for like 10 minutes, no joke. But fresh air just… hits different, you know? Even if it’s just standing on your porch, listening to birds chirp, or watching a squirrel steal your neighbor’s pizza crust (yep, I saw that, it was wild). You don’t need a hike or some fancy yoga retreat. Just step outside and breathe. It’s like hitting pause on life’s nonsense.
7. Laugh at Something Totally Stupid
Laughter’s my secret weapon. Whether it’s old SNL sketches or scrolling this Twitter account for the most unhinged stuff people say in public, find something that makes you snort-laugh. Last week, I laughed so hard at a TikTok of a cat yeeting itself off a couch that I dropped my phone on my foot. Bruised my toe, but worth it.
8. Forgive Yourself for the Screw-Ups, Seriously
This one’s tough, I’m still working on it. Like that time in college when I showed up to a group project meeting… on the wrong day, whoops. Or when I sent a text to my boss meant for my sister (it was about tacos, not work, and I’m still dying inside, send help). We all mess up. Self-care’s letting go of the guilt and remembering you’re human. You’re allowed to screw up, you’re allowed to wear one sock and not notice,.
The Messy, Beautiful Chaos of It All
Here’s the real deal: self-care checklist for modern women. ain’t about becoming some perfect version of you. It’s about surviving the madness and finding little bits of joy in the mess. Some days, it’s eating peanut butter from the jar. Other days, it’s saying no to a Zoom call so you can watch Friends reruns for the billionth time. And yeah, sometimes it’s realizing you’ve been rocking one sock all day and just laughing ‘cause what else can you do?
I used to think I had to have it all together—perfect job, perfect apartment, perfect skincare routine. But life’s more like that time I tried to bake a cake and ended up with something that looked like a sad, deflated football. It’s messy, it’s imperfect, and it’s mine. And you know what? I’m kinda okay with that.
So, my fellow modern women, here’s your permission slip: you don’t gotta be perfect. You don’t need to check every box on some glossy self-care checklist. Just do one thing today that makes you feel a little more like you. Maybe it’s blasting Lizzo. Maybe it’s texting your bestie a dumb meme. Or maybe it’s just eating Lucky Charms and cackling at a cat video. Whatever it is, you’re doing great, I promise
